dc v. nyc, round 5826349i

read this.

new york on washington: washington, seen from manhattan, is drab and humid, a swamp-city populated by doughy people in brown suits and heinous ties that always seem to be askew. "i believe this will be an event best observed from afar. i don't want to see a lot of bad Men's Warehouse suits and a lot of badly parted hair walking around my neighborhood. all republicans part their hair the same way."

washington on new york: "they can say that they won't even know we are here, but they will. we will plunk down our garment bags in their hopelessly trendy hotels, standing out like Good Humor men in our summer-weight khaki suits while all those hipster squirrels scramble for our tips. they needn't worry. the contempt is mutual."

hipster squirrels! can't you just picture one of those fat, ballsy, obnoxious park squirrels wearing a leather wrist band, converse all-starts, and a faux-hawk? oh, that's good.